This Week In Hell (Written Feb 24)

 

 So I've been meaning to keep up with this blog on a daily basis, but events as of late have made this an impossibility. Life is just accelerating at a rate too fast to write.

 * Portland Shooter

In 2004, in my younger and more purposely wreckless days, I created an IRC channel on Furnet with a few edgy babyfurs that hosted some spurned and antisocial cubs. One of these was a yellow rabbit calling himself Polybun. We bonded over punk rock and metal, the band Melvins being the specific focus. Our group rebelled against what was perceived to be the milquetoast elements of the subfandom we were a part of. 

Over time, the points of irony became tinged with hate, and I finally jumped ship after the channel began celebrating the death of a recently departed furry. I thought this would be the end of that story, but such would not be the case. 

Throughout the years, this individual would continue to harass me, chiming in on moments of right wing political successes, graduating to the grand slam of threatening my life. After my breakup in Florida, I was offered a place to live in Oregon, which I declined, thanks to Polybun's threats on my life. He would continue to harass me, most recently with the acquittal of Kyle Rittenhouse. In January, I drew this comic referencing a gun-toting yellow rabbit, an obvious reference to Polybun.

Well. He shot some protesters on Saturday, killing one woman and wounding many others. 

https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2022/02/portland-man-under-suspicion-in-mass-shooting-fixated-on-citys-protests-homeless-problem-neighbors-and-family-say.html

So the theme of this section I guess, if I had to say, is that trolling leads to some terrible outcomes. The desire to stick it to others in anonymity can lead to some serious terrible outcomes. I say this to warn others currently involved in the act.

*Russian Aggression     

Putin is a bastard. I don't think Russia's people have any involvement in his duplicitous scheme to conquer Ukraine. My own experience with those loyal to this hate lord have suggested the loyalty of trolls and those with a desire to wreak chaos. See here: our previous president.

I don't have any useful words. I'm scared for Ukraine's people. I don't know what it is to be brave or be in such a situation. Mr Rogers always said to look for the helpers. I hope there will be help for your people. Please be there for each other.

 *Texas Antitrans Child Hate

Greg Abbott is determined to be the worst governor this state has ever had. It wasn't enough that he ordered ERCOT to price gouge Texans in the fatal freeze of 2021. Continuing to veto Medicaid expansion? How could he top this? Putting abortion freedom to the sword?

 Not enough. This jackass has moved towards criminalizing the freedom of trans children to be themselves. His orders to direct state operatives towards reporting trans children's transitioning is something out of the aforementioned Putin's playbook. And what do we have, ineffectual Beto O'Rourke to offer some platitudes of support? I really don't know. Everything is so goddamned exhausting here.

Merchandising, Merchandising!

 

 Future plans: I think I'd like to expand my art to a different medium than just digital pictures of cartoon animals in diapers. A year or so ago, a friend suggested shopping some designs out to a graphic tees and vinyl appliques for cars and such. He suggested my work was usable, so I'm giving it some thought.

A plan I've had in the works for over a decade involves a button making machine and merch, so I might have to fundraise for that at some point. This is me saying it year after year, but oh well.

At the very least, it would be cool to have some merch for my friends' bands or my webcomic. I need to see this plan to fruition.

Here Comes The Lion Guard

 

Did you know: I love the Lion Guard?

This began with my eight year old self's critique of the original Lion King film.

"That was awesome! But I wish Simba had powers."

Twenty two years later, I got my wish. It also helped that The Lion King II was my favorite of the two films, and this is an expansion on that content. 

Kion has way more screen time than any other character in The Lion King soundtrack. He is my gift from the Lion King gods.

That being said, I'm still watching the series almost three years after its completion. It just keeps getting better over time.

Thank you for your time, and Zuka Zama!

(Lack of ) Wii U + 3DS Shop Closure

 

 "NOOOOO!" - Slippy Toad, Every StarFox game

As you can probably tell, I'm sad. This is my final Miiverse drawing, which was featured on Polygon many years ago. You can check out the link here: https://www.polygon.com/2017/11/6/16612750/miiverse-shut-down-date-nintendo-memes-drawings

The Wii U was not among the most loved Nintendo systems, but it was the system I would spend some of the best years of my life with. I originally received mine in the spring of 2014, which I would take with me to Florida. It was the system that got me back into console gaming, and I am still using it as of this writing.

Incidentally, I would also acquire a 3DS for my birthday in 2014. It's the handheld I've taken with me on all of my adventures, as far as the west coast of Mexico and down to the hellish heat of Miami. I've lost count of how many streetpasses I've collected, but many were from Megaplex and Texas Furry Fiesta alone.

I'm hoping to get some more games before the service goes down for good, but I am going to miss these systems' libraries being accessible. There's something to be said about Nintendo's nefarious attitudes towards gaming preservation, but that is another conversation for another day.

Diaperist Am I

As you may have gathered from the title, I am a diaperist.

What effect does this have on my life? It demands I put at least one diapered character per panel in my webcomic. My art primarily revolves around the drawing of diapers. I am here for the folks in the furry fandom who want more diapered characters, who want to see new IPs pee their pamps, who desire the crinkliest outfits for their fursonas.

Are you a diaperist? You may be surprised who amongst your friends is into diaperism.

Where diaper? Diaperists unite!

Home Is A Drag

 

 Since 2009, I've been working on commissions as my employment. It's been a double edged sword. On one hand, it means I've been able to set my own hours and decide what kind of work I take on. On the other hand, I can't really cite it as a job in normie circles. How would I begin to explain to someone that I haven't been traditionally employed in over twelve years?

I'm going to be moving out at some point in the future. Living with my parents has been an emotionally abusive situation of being surrounded by constant negging and anti-help. The lens through which they view the world is so conservative and suspicious of outsiders. The fact that my friends are unable to extract me from the situation or provide more material help to them is proof that friends are evil, opportunistic creatures which try to wrench me away from the family. I've given up trying to share my feelings with my family lest I be talked down to or told to pray more.

It's such an exhausting loop of day to day disappointment. Perhaps they are as disappointed at me as I am with them, for we don't agree on matters cultural, spiritual, or conversational. I try to skip through the cutscenes of their interactions and it gives me a great deal of anxiety just making face to face conversations with folks who don't understand me at all.

Making OCs

There's a popular meme on Twitter which goes like:

Twitter - makes up a guy to be mad at

Friar - makes up an OC to hug

Art is nice because you can conjure characters for any purpose or whim. In this case, I wanted to draw a more traditionally aged babyfur character. Everett is the friend of Toffee, one of my comic's younger characters. I picked his colours out of the vaporwave colour palette in Clip Studio Paint. 

Characters in my universe don't really have any set of typical color schemes animals have in real life. Really, I just paint them according to whatever mood I happen to be.

Vinyltines Day

 Today I received more vinyl in the mail. The haul consisted of Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works 85-92, Beatles - Revolver, and King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard's Nonagon Infinity. I am quite familiar with Aphex Twin and The Beatles' records, but this third addition has been quite a change of pace.

To be perfectly honest, I know nothing about King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard except they're from Australia, and they wrote a song about the YouTube social commentary fellow Mr Beat. That being said, "Nonagon Infinity," is by far the most challenging album I've listened to in years. It isn't bad, that isn't the matter at all! It's just, hard to process. I know a little bit about time signatures, being a musician, but I just couldn't wrap my head around this record. 

I will be buying more King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard records in the future. The band was kind enough to include an mp3 rip of the album, so I'll be giving it some more listening in the future.

Use The Good Diapers

Some time ago I read an article imploring the reader to "use the the fine china." I thought about this in my own life and figured I could do with using my good diapers more often. You never know when you're gonna kick off, so make the most of what you've got.

In this regard, I've been digging into my boutique diapers more often. My weekly diapers tend to be Abriforms, which a friend supplies for me. Now I spend my weekends in ABUs, Tykables, and other assorted ABDL diapers. It feels nice because it gives me something to look forward to at a time when everything seems so bleak.

So thank you, diapers. There's always good times with yall.

Thoughts On My Comic

 

"Find anything you like in there?"

For the last four years, I've been writing and drawing my own webcomic. Strangely enough, this started off as a side project to a larger graphic novel I've been sitting on for some time. The comic was meant to be the filler for a particular timeskip, but circumstances decreed that this project become my full time body of work.

Every week, I drop a new comic on Fridays. I often lament that my artistic abilities in this work become compromised in the pursuit of meeting a personal deadline. Nevertheless, it's become a part of my weekly routine for the past couple of years. Life just sorts itself out around the posting of these comics.

For the most part, Treasured Guests is an idealized retelling of a childhood I would have loved to go through, with parents who like their kids and aren't burdened by their presence. It's also a chance for my characters to grow in ways I haven't been able to explore in other stories. Well, these are most of the stories I've told, as I don't really do a whole lot of writing.

If anything has presented itself as an incredible challenge, it's been the dialogue. I'm not so gifted with words the way other writers have, as I'm primarily a visual artist. One thing I'd like to do is go back and caption the comics for blind people to be able to enjoy this content. Another goal is to set up my own webcomic site independent of FurAffinity, Twitter, and other furry galleries so I can retain more personal ownership over its curation.

Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy what I've been doing and I hope to keep doing it for many more years to come.

Diapers

 

 "Diapers are nice and all but how about we focus on diapers."

I've been buying diapers for myself as an ABDL for a very long time. When I was 14, I used to have a little handwritten flash card chart that listed the exact prices of various Walgreens / Eckerd / store brand diapers down to the dollar and cents. 10.81 , 14.59 , and other prices ring out in my memory. 

It was part of my routine that I would go and buy a pack of diapers prior to walking to the CD store to buy one or two albums before going home from school. In those days, I would make money hustling burnt CDs for five dollars a pop. Even prior to being a commission artist, I had my ways of scoring diaper money. When I'd sit down to do art, I'd fancifully imagine ornate prints for diapers, wondering what that would look like

Twenty two years later, it is now a reality. 

"Don't dream it, be it."

Keepy Uppy

 It used to be a lot easier to keep up with journals in ages ago. Every day had something new and exciting to document, whereas in times as of late, things seem just so expected.

 Today's surprise is Bluey - The Album. I've been adding to my vinyl collection since picking the rest of it up in Florida in a trip back in December. Since then, I've added the two Care Bears movies soundtracks and The Lion King on vinyl. There is something just magical about nondescript hunks of plastic which contain music and other audio wonders.

I've been handling vinyl since I was in diapers the first time. Listening to albums while sitting on the floor conjures memories of reading along with records in kindergarten. I guess I'm dating myself, but it's such a rich part of my early life I'm keeping around.

The Road Untraveled

 

 The road in my life is split. I find myself wondering if I should return to Florida with its familiar friends and comforts, or strike out on the road elsewhere. 

Four years ago, my health began to crater in various areas. It's never just the one thing, but multiple situations. A health center diagnosed me with diabetes when I was living in San Antonio, and at some point before this, I started experiencing a variety of mobility and sensory issues which a disability agent described as multiple sclerosis. Attempts to get this confirmed were made, but being uninsured in Texas made this an impossibility.

It makes no sense for me to trade one red state for another, especially when I'm trying to establish some semblance of stability in my life. As it stands, I'm in a holding pattern living with my family where no help is being given aside from food and shelter. My mother won't so much as to prioritize my wellbeing, being constantly harangued by my grandmother and grandfather's doctor visits. What I'm here for is, at best, nebulous. Someone to perform menial tasks?

Coming back around to the mobility issues, I was issued a rollator thanks to the fundraising efforts of friends in 2019. For a year and a half, I've been able to get by with my legs in some working fashion. I'm being pressured to sell it by my mother, who undoubtedly wants more money for tchotchkes of the Karen sort. I'm not going to get rid of it, because I don't know how much time my good fortune and mobility have left. 

The promise of medical marijuana and Publix subs just seems quaint with regards to my needs. Wherever I need to be, I require some kind of Medicaid access, and that's just not happening in the southern states I'm used to. Where to go, though? I don't exactly have the purchasing power to dictate my own ways in life. For all being an artist is, self sufficiency is not one of its perks. It's clear that I'm not going to be setting any social scenes ablaze at this time, so I have to focus on a serious investment in my health and wellbeing.

This has been a constant thought loop in my head for a few years, and being trapped in suburban Texas with no transportation just reinforces it. Again, more situations in which I have been provided no assistance from my family. There doesn't seem to be any desire from my mother or the extended family to see me in any mode of success, so I've exhausted any desire to remain among them. If they won't help me, someone else has to.

The thing is, where, and who? I just don't have any answers. I've racked my brain over this situation for the last couple of years. No prayers or late night conversations have thus rendered any meaningful advice or direction, so here it is again, on the road of uncertainty that I let these thoughts come to a close for the moment.

Breathing New Life...journal

 

Good god, how many years has it been since I posted a blog? Well, let's see. The last time I interfaced with a blogging service, it was to delete my LiveJournal in protest of Russian acquisition. Weird how that is coming full circle with recent events. Anyways. Let's recap.

I spent several years in Florida in a well meaning relationship that ran its course. Sometimes things are better left to being friends. No problem there. After twenty two years, I am still drawing babyfur art in the furry world. I now have more fur on my face than on my crown, but that's really not too big of a deal. I have more toys than I ever had at any point in my prior development, and my record collection is starting to grow after eight years of inactivity.

...This is not a full telling of events, but it's all I can conjure after a sleepless night. I'm hoping I can stay on task with this little exercise, as well as figure out if I can kick it out to my Twitter account. I have been spending an inordinate amount of time trying to grind popularity points on there in the last thirteen years. 

Other milestones: In 2015 I became Jewish!

2020 and onward: I have survived the Covid 19 pandemic. 

2022 - I started a new blog.

Well, that's all I have for now.