The road in my life is split. I find myself wondering if I should return to Florida with its familiar friends and comforts, or strike out on the road elsewhere.
Four years ago, my health began to crater in various areas. It's never just the one thing, but multiple situations. A health center diagnosed me with diabetes when I was living in San Antonio, and at some point before this, I started experiencing a variety of mobility and sensory issues which a disability agent described as multiple sclerosis. Attempts to get this confirmed were made, but being uninsured in Texas made this an impossibility.
It makes no sense for me to trade one red state for another, especially when I'm trying to establish some semblance of stability in my life. As it stands, I'm in a holding pattern living with my family where no help is being given aside from food and shelter. My mother won't so much as to prioritize my wellbeing, being constantly harangued by my grandmother and grandfather's doctor visits. What I'm here for is, at best, nebulous. Someone to perform menial tasks?
Coming back around to the mobility issues, I was issued a rollator thanks to the fundraising efforts of friends in 2019. For a year and a half, I've been able to get by with my legs in some working fashion. I'm being pressured to sell it by my mother, who undoubtedly wants more money for tchotchkes of the Karen sort. I'm not going to get rid of it, because I don't know how much time my good fortune and mobility have left.
The promise of medical marijuana and Publix subs just seems quaint with regards to my needs. Wherever I need to be, I require some kind of Medicaid access, and that's just not happening in the southern states I'm used to. Where to go, though? I don't exactly have the purchasing power to dictate my own ways in life. For all being an artist is, self sufficiency is not one of its perks. It's clear that I'm not going to be setting any social scenes ablaze at this time, so I have to focus on a serious investment in my health and wellbeing.
This has been a constant thought loop in my head for a few years, and being trapped in suburban Texas with no transportation just reinforces it. Again, more situations in which I have been provided no assistance from my family. There doesn't seem to be any desire from my mother or the extended family to see me in any mode of success, so I've exhausted any desire to remain among them. If they won't help me, someone else has to.
The thing is, where, and who? I just don't have any answers. I've racked my brain over this situation for the last couple of years. No prayers or late night conversations have thus rendered any meaningful advice or direction, so here it is again, on the road of uncertainty that I let these thoughts come to a close for the moment.
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